Twilight Madness

So I have been swept up into the whirlwind that is 'Twilight" by my friends, mostly those with a uterus. Now I have nothing against 'Twilight"...or those with uterus either. But this is just insane!

I promised my friends that I would read the series, but with the end of the semester rapidly approaching, and Finals just around the corner, I just don't have the time! So the gameplan is to buy my little sister Sam the first book and when she's done with it, I'll read it.

Now I have fielded incoming missiles of promises and secrets with this book with my friends, mostly those who have gone to the midnight showing of the movie already and are already planning to see it again as I type. I have made the decision to not see the movie until I have read the book, something that I have always done when I see a book-turned-movie.

Yet why bother?

My friends have TALKED/SQUEALED/EXHALTED this book so much that I feel as though I have ALREADY read the damn book! I feel as though I have gone to school with Bella, drank blood with Edward, and run around with Jacob. I could probably give a brief synopsis of the story right now if I wanted to!

Twilight is the adventures of a pre-pubescent harlot by the name of Bella who becomes the obsession of both a undead pedophile and a flea bitten mandog. The pedophile, Edward, is a vampire that stares at his love interest much the same way a child would stare at a bearded woman at the circus; fascination with a hint of paranoia. The flea bitten mandog, dubbed Jacob, catches a scent of the slut and wants her for himself. Let the game begin between these two supernatural beings as they fight for dominance over the simple girl.

My opinion, yes, and I'm sure once this gets out fans will start a witch hunt for me. I'll be sure to barricade my bedroom door tonight and sleep with one eye open as well.

In the end, I have heard 'Twilight" being campared to classics such as "Harry Potter". Now NOTHING is comparable to "Harry Potter"!!! But that's for another blog, my love of the Boy Who Lived.

Signing off,

The Amazing Gerbil Warrior