Wow it's been a while since I've updated this damn thing....
BAD JOHN, BAD!
*smacks face and cries a bit*
Lol, okay, enough self-abuse onto real life, which is just plain abusive!
Right now I'm doing a whole lot of nothing lol. Finals are almost done, just have one more next Tuesday and then I'm done! Drive to San Antonio on Wednesday, spend the night, and then fly out Thursday. Once I drive to SA, I'm going to start writing my stories again, since it has been FOREVER since doing so. I owe a lot of people on Y! some stories, and I have 2 big ones that need to be wrapped up lol. Procrastination, I am your bitch lol.
Plans for next blog:
Nursing Schools update
Crew plans
Spring classes
Navy Nursing Corps
Life....
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Penises and Death
Just because its hilarious!!!
So in preparation for my first Human Sexuality exam tomorrow, which I should be studying for but whatever, I have come across a section in my text book that deals with the average size of a man's penis.
What is funny is that some analysts have called a man's penis size "The Great Equalizer".
Now the only other thing that has ever been called "The Great Equalizer" is Death, since duh, everyone dies. Doesn't matter if you're King of the freakin World, when Death comes knockin', start droppin'!
But this is how penis size is equal to Death.
A man with a small, unerect penis actually has a 'larger than normal' penis size. He's a 'grower'.
A man with a large, unerect penis is merely a 'shower'. Sorry to the guys who think that just because you have a big package without even trying means you've got a horse cock! You're just average and there's nothing really special about you.
But if you're a 'grower', you're gonna surprise your partner in bed, let me tell you!
That is all, back to sex now...
So in preparation for my first Human Sexuality exam tomorrow, which I should be studying for but whatever, I have come across a section in my text book that deals with the average size of a man's penis.
What is funny is that some analysts have called a man's penis size "The Great Equalizer".
Now the only other thing that has ever been called "The Great Equalizer" is Death, since duh, everyone dies. Doesn't matter if you're King of the freakin World, when Death comes knockin', start droppin'!
But this is how penis size is equal to Death.
A man with a small, unerect penis actually has a 'larger than normal' penis size. He's a 'grower'.
A man with a large, unerect penis is merely a 'shower'. Sorry to the guys who think that just because you have a big package without even trying means you've got a horse cock! You're just average and there's nothing really special about you.
But if you're a 'grower', you're gonna surprise your partner in bed, let me tell you!
That is all, back to sex now...
Monday, February 2, 2009
Vaginas and Pineapples
I just have to love the class 'Human Sexuality'. Especially when it's taught by an awesome professor and it's at ultra-conservative-Baptist-center-of-the-world Baylor University.
So we're reviewing for our first exam. Nothing big or intimidating, just the basics so far like the anatomy and physiology of both males and females, the history of sex, and any sexual disorders.
At the end of class however, Professor Irons brings up all the Anonymous Questions from the past month and begins to answer them. Here are a few...
"Is it safe to swallow sperm?"
Well you better clear that with your partner because let's be serious people, if you have sperm in your mouth, you better not wait until the last minute to call time-out or something because that toally kills the mood.
"Can you get pregnant through anal sex?"
Yes this was a question. That's all I'm saying.
"Is it true that the consumption of certain fruits changes the flavor of a woman's vagina?"
Well that would be interesting. If a woman consumes an entire fruit salad, will her vag juice taste like V8 Splash? Cuz thats really weird in a strange, yet tastey way.
"Can certain fruits cause a miscarriage?"
No really, this was an actual question. Apparently a classmate's brother got married somewhere exotic and both he and his wife were missionaries. The local superstition was that if she ate any pineapple, she wouldn't be able to carry a child. Just imagine, the pineapple is the culprit to natural abortion.
"Is it true that woman living together will have their menstraul cycle synchronize?"
Scarily enough, this is 100% true. God help any man who lives with more than one sister and his mom! Or any male-nursing majors in a female-dominated healthcare field!
I love Sex Ed. It really makes my day, especially when I'm in a bad mood.
That's what she said.
So we're reviewing for our first exam. Nothing big or intimidating, just the basics so far like the anatomy and physiology of both males and females, the history of sex, and any sexual disorders.
At the end of class however, Professor Irons brings up all the Anonymous Questions from the past month and begins to answer them. Here are a few...
"Is it safe to swallow sperm?"
Well you better clear that with your partner because let's be serious people, if you have sperm in your mouth, you better not wait until the last minute to call time-out or something because that toally kills the mood.
"Can you get pregnant through anal sex?"
Yes this was a question. That's all I'm saying.
"Is it true that the consumption of certain fruits changes the flavor of a woman's vagina?"
Well that would be interesting. If a woman consumes an entire fruit salad, will her vag juice taste like V8 Splash? Cuz thats really weird in a strange, yet tastey way.
"Can certain fruits cause a miscarriage?"
No really, this was an actual question. Apparently a classmate's brother got married somewhere exotic and both he and his wife were missionaries. The local superstition was that if she ate any pineapple, she wouldn't be able to carry a child. Just imagine, the pineapple is the culprit to natural abortion.
"Is it true that woman living together will have their menstraul cycle synchronize?"
Scarily enough, this is 100% true. God help any man who lives with more than one sister and his mom! Or any male-nursing majors in a female-dominated healthcare field!
I love Sex Ed. It really makes my day, especially when I'm in a bad mood.
That's what she said.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Innocent Little E-Mail
So here's a funny story...
Back in October I received a informational pamphlet about the Navy Medical Corps. It was pretty interesting, giving me a bunch of info about how the Navy would pay for my school in Nursing and how I would have an awesome job in the Navy traveling abroad and doing healthcare services in foreign and exotic lands.
My interest was piqued, so I called the recruiter. She said that I should come in and get more info from them. Nothing like signing myself, just sitting down and talking about more opportunities that I have. But I couldn't do that because I was still in college in Texas, and the recruiter's offce that I was to go to was back in Maryland. So both the recruiter and I decided that I would call the number again and make an appointment in December when I was home on Christmas Break.
Months passed, I kept the number, and when I went home after finals, I called the Navy once agian. I made an appointment, showed up, and talked about general Navy Officer training, but not what I was interested in, which was the medical field. Telling this to the officer on duty, he had me retake the ASVAB (got an 82 whoop!) and he also gave me the number to the Navy Nursing Corps Officer.
Now this was where the problems started.
The Recruiting Office I went to was in Glenn Burnie, which is about 25 minutes from my house. Not a long drive or crazy route or anything. But I come to find out that the Navy Nursing Corps Office was in Hanover, which is 5 minutes from my house! So somehow I was misdirected as to where I should call. No big right, I was directed to where I should go. Sure I was a little peeved that I was at the wrong office, but are you going to do when all of this is said and done?
So I call the Navy Nursing Corps Officer, a Lt. Salas. I got a generic voicemail, you know, that creepy robot lady who gives out a number, but not a name or anything. Left a voicemail leaving all my contact info and such. Lt. Salas doesn't call back. I try again 2 more times, and still nothing. By this time I'm getting ready to fly back to Texas, since school is getting ready to start up again. Mom promises to figure out why the hell I wasn't getting my phone calls returned, since I'm legitimately interested in the Navy and I'm getting the shaft for it.
A few weeks go by, and I get a call from Mom. She went to a woman called Captain Macri, who is in charge of the Navy Medical Corps in DC. She said that all she did was send out an innocent little e-mail, stating what had happened to me.
Little did both of us know that this 'innocent little e-mail' would start a snowball effect.
Let's just say that when the Navy decides to move, it moves like a charging rhino.
I wake up last Friday morning to hearing my phone going off. I look at it and see a Maryland phone number, but I don't recognize it. My typical response to unknown people calling me is 'If it's important, they'll leave a voicemail'.
Well this was pretty damn important because I got 3 more phone calls, plus 4 voicemails.
I finally get out of bed and check my e-mail before going to class. My eyes bug out when I see that I have 5 e-mails, all from Lieutenants and Captains in the Navy. And at the top of these new e-mails in my Inbox is one from Mom, saying "CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS".
So needless to say, I get dressed and as I walk to class, I call my mom. She then explains to me that that 'innocent little e-mail' spawned a bunch of Navy Officers in the Richmond, DC, Baltimore, and Philadelphia area all freaking out that I wasn't properly handled, and that the Navy had failed me as a service industry. So now I had like 3 people trying to get in contact with me, all trying to 1) Keep my interest in the Navy Nursing Corps, 2) See what it was I wanted to know, and 3) To figure out who messed up with me. Personally I think the officer at the recruiting station in Glenn Burnie was one number off on the phone number to reach Lt. Salas, so I was calling some random office.
But that's all in the past now. My interest is even stronger in joining the Navy after school, and there are a lot of opportunities available to me this summer. Capt. Macri has said that she will be in Dallas and would like to mee tme, which I think would be awesome! Plus she has contacts for shadowing internships this summer, plus a bunch of medical camps as well. I haven't asked if she has any paying internships, but when I see her, I definitely will bring it up!
Gotta love the Navy!
Back in October I received a informational pamphlet about the Navy Medical Corps. It was pretty interesting, giving me a bunch of info about how the Navy would pay for my school in Nursing and how I would have an awesome job in the Navy traveling abroad and doing healthcare services in foreign and exotic lands.
My interest was piqued, so I called the recruiter. She said that I should come in and get more info from them. Nothing like signing myself, just sitting down and talking about more opportunities that I have. But I couldn't do that because I was still in college in Texas, and the recruiter's offce that I was to go to was back in Maryland. So both the recruiter and I decided that I would call the number again and make an appointment in December when I was home on Christmas Break.
Months passed, I kept the number, and when I went home after finals, I called the Navy once agian. I made an appointment, showed up, and talked about general Navy Officer training, but not what I was interested in, which was the medical field. Telling this to the officer on duty, he had me retake the ASVAB (got an 82 whoop!) and he also gave me the number to the Navy Nursing Corps Officer.
Now this was where the problems started.
The Recruiting Office I went to was in Glenn Burnie, which is about 25 minutes from my house. Not a long drive or crazy route or anything. But I come to find out that the Navy Nursing Corps Office was in Hanover, which is 5 minutes from my house! So somehow I was misdirected as to where I should call. No big right, I was directed to where I should go. Sure I was a little peeved that I was at the wrong office, but are you going to do when all of this is said and done?
So I call the Navy Nursing Corps Officer, a Lt. Salas. I got a generic voicemail, you know, that creepy robot lady who gives out a number, but not a name or anything. Left a voicemail leaving all my contact info and such. Lt. Salas doesn't call back. I try again 2 more times, and still nothing. By this time I'm getting ready to fly back to Texas, since school is getting ready to start up again. Mom promises to figure out why the hell I wasn't getting my phone calls returned, since I'm legitimately interested in the Navy and I'm getting the shaft for it.
A few weeks go by, and I get a call from Mom. She went to a woman called Captain Macri, who is in charge of the Navy Medical Corps in DC. She said that all she did was send out an innocent little e-mail, stating what had happened to me.
Little did both of us know that this 'innocent little e-mail' would start a snowball effect.
Let's just say that when the Navy decides to move, it moves like a charging rhino.
I wake up last Friday morning to hearing my phone going off. I look at it and see a Maryland phone number, but I don't recognize it. My typical response to unknown people calling me is 'If it's important, they'll leave a voicemail'.
Well this was pretty damn important because I got 3 more phone calls, plus 4 voicemails.
I finally get out of bed and check my e-mail before going to class. My eyes bug out when I see that I have 5 e-mails, all from Lieutenants and Captains in the Navy. And at the top of these new e-mails in my Inbox is one from Mom, saying "CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS".
So needless to say, I get dressed and as I walk to class, I call my mom. She then explains to me that that 'innocent little e-mail' spawned a bunch of Navy Officers in the Richmond, DC, Baltimore, and Philadelphia area all freaking out that I wasn't properly handled, and that the Navy had failed me as a service industry. So now I had like 3 people trying to get in contact with me, all trying to 1) Keep my interest in the Navy Nursing Corps, 2) See what it was I wanted to know, and 3) To figure out who messed up with me. Personally I think the officer at the recruiting station in Glenn Burnie was one number off on the phone number to reach Lt. Salas, so I was calling some random office.
But that's all in the past now. My interest is even stronger in joining the Navy after school, and there are a lot of opportunities available to me this summer. Capt. Macri has said that she will be in Dallas and would like to mee tme, which I think would be awesome! Plus she has contacts for shadowing internships this summer, plus a bunch of medical camps as well. I haven't asked if she has any paying internships, but when I see her, I definitely will bring it up!
Gotta love the Navy!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Premier of the N00bs
So Winter Premier at Baylor University.
Roll out the street lamp post flags, comb and brush the bears, fire up the grills for the cafeterias, put more BU apparel on the clothes rack at the bookstore, and prop up the Greek info tables.
Only during a Premier, does Baylor allow us normal students to get some damn good food. Like a mountain of awesome fruit, which magically appears for the parents of prospective students. You can bet your sorry ass that I was there, knocking aside high school brats to get me some grub! Here's and interesting conversation I had as well as I was stocking up:
Random-Girl-Who-Knows-Whats-Really-Going-On: "Where's all the food during the normal year?"
Me-In-Total-Agreement: "I know right?"
Only during a Premier do you see people walk into the Baylor Bookstore in normal everyday clothes only to exit out in full university regalia. I mean, really, its like an army of mannequins had just marched from the near department store to suddenly represent that Good Old Baylor. Here's another quote:
Freshman-Friend-Who-Also-Knows-Whats-Going-On: "It's really funny watching the parents buy all this Baylor clothes and deck themselves out."
Me-In-Total-Agreement: "They're like a bunch of clones with credit cards"
Welcome to Baylor Ladies and Gentlemen. Leave your soul at the door.
Roll out the street lamp post flags, comb and brush the bears, fire up the grills for the cafeterias, put more BU apparel on the clothes rack at the bookstore, and prop up the Greek info tables.
Only during a Premier, does Baylor allow us normal students to get some damn good food. Like a mountain of awesome fruit, which magically appears for the parents of prospective students. You can bet your sorry ass that I was there, knocking aside high school brats to get me some grub! Here's and interesting conversation I had as well as I was stocking up:
Random-Girl-Who-Knows-Whats-Really-Going-On: "Where's all the food during the normal year?"
Me-In-Total-Agreement: "I know right?"
Only during a Premier do you see people walk into the Baylor Bookstore in normal everyday clothes only to exit out in full university regalia. I mean, really, its like an army of mannequins had just marched from the near department store to suddenly represent that Good Old Baylor. Here's another quote:
Freshman-Friend-Who-Also-Knows-Whats-Going-On: "It's really funny watching the parents buy all this Baylor clothes and deck themselves out."
Me-In-Total-Agreement: "They're like a bunch of clones with credit cards"
Welcome to Baylor Ladies and Gentlemen. Leave your soul at the door.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sterotypical Baylor Brats
Hello Baylor.
Hello you frat boys, wearing your tight polos, your fraternity's letters, your heavily drenched bodies with Axe body spray.
Hello you sorority girls, with your cleavage-showing shirts, your Greek windbreakers, your perfectly straight blond hair.
Hello you Bible humping Baptists, who claim you want to 'save my soul' when I see you sin just like me everyday. Hypocrites.
Hello you school administration, who drains my wallet dry and wastes money on sprinklers that go off when it rains.
Hello you athletes, with your huge grey sweats, or your jerseys, or your 'official' green Baylor polos.
Hello you snobby Pre-Med jerks, who cry when you get a B+ and whine about the injustice of the grading system.
Hello you spoiled Business majors, who have so many opportunities for summer internships while the rest of us fight for one.
Hello you annoying campus squirrels, who are way too comfortable here. I say we let the Baylor Hunting Club go on Open Season. Like NOW.
Hello you stupid new bell system. Are we really back in high school?
Hello you workout obsessing freaks, with your huge muscles and tight bodies. Stop pumping the 'roids and get a real hobby, like eating ice cream and not protein bars when you watch a movie.
Hello you black people, who find the need to be excessively loud in and near the SUB around lunch time.
Hello you asian people, who swarm the Atrium at the BSB and speak really really fast in Cantonese.
Hello you non-Greek fraternities and sororities. Really, who are you trying to fool?
Hello you Honors and BIC and Great Text people. Stop being so freakin smart. Some of us need jobs after college too.
Hello you catalogue clones, who dress completely in Hollister, Aeropostal, A&F, or American Eagle. A little varity wouldn't kill you.
Hello sluts, who claim chastity when you wear ass-hugging shorts with the words 'sexy', or 'hotty' on them.
Hello manwhores, who when dressed in a suit act the part of gentleman, but put a beer in their hand and they brag about the chick they banged last weekend.
Hello BSB TA's, who can't seem to grasp the fact that we need to hear ENGLISH to understand you.
Hello professors, who don't understand that we just don't have you for a class, but like 6 others like you. So stop giving us so much homework.
Hello Wannabe-Cowboys, with your oh-so-perfectly scuffed bootes, tight jeans, big belt buckle, and matching cowboy hat. Such tools...
Hello you drivers with your unnecessarily-huge trucks that serve no real purpose on this campus other than to take up two spots in the parking garage and to show off just how insecure you are about yourself.
Hello Baylor Bears.
.....
Actually I have no problem with you. Sic 'Em.
Hello you frat boys, wearing your tight polos, your fraternity's letters, your heavily drenched bodies with Axe body spray.
Hello you sorority girls, with your cleavage-showing shirts, your Greek windbreakers, your perfectly straight blond hair.
Hello you Bible humping Baptists, who claim you want to 'save my soul' when I see you sin just like me everyday. Hypocrites.
Hello you school administration, who drains my wallet dry and wastes money on sprinklers that go off when it rains.
Hello you athletes, with your huge grey sweats, or your jerseys, or your 'official' green Baylor polos.
Hello you snobby Pre-Med jerks, who cry when you get a B+ and whine about the injustice of the grading system.
Hello you spoiled Business majors, who have so many opportunities for summer internships while the rest of us fight for one.
Hello you annoying campus squirrels, who are way too comfortable here. I say we let the Baylor Hunting Club go on Open Season. Like NOW.
Hello you stupid new bell system. Are we really back in high school?
Hello you workout obsessing freaks, with your huge muscles and tight bodies. Stop pumping the 'roids and get a real hobby, like eating ice cream and not protein bars when you watch a movie.
Hello you black people, who find the need to be excessively loud in and near the SUB around lunch time.
Hello you asian people, who swarm the Atrium at the BSB and speak really really fast in Cantonese.
Hello you non-Greek fraternities and sororities. Really, who are you trying to fool?
Hello you Honors and BIC and Great Text people. Stop being so freakin smart. Some of us need jobs after college too.
Hello you catalogue clones, who dress completely in Hollister, Aeropostal, A&F, or American Eagle. A little varity wouldn't kill you.
Hello sluts, who claim chastity when you wear ass-hugging shorts with the words 'sexy', or 'hotty' on them.
Hello manwhores, who when dressed in a suit act the part of gentleman, but put a beer in their hand and they brag about the chick they banged last weekend.
Hello BSB TA's, who can't seem to grasp the fact that we need to hear ENGLISH to understand you.
Hello professors, who don't understand that we just don't have you for a class, but like 6 others like you. So stop giving us so much homework.
Hello Wannabe-Cowboys, with your oh-so-perfectly scuffed bootes, tight jeans, big belt buckle, and matching cowboy hat. Such tools...
Hello you drivers with your unnecessarily-huge trucks that serve no real purpose on this campus other than to take up two spots in the parking garage and to show off just how insecure you are about yourself.
Hello Baylor Bears.
.....
Actually I have no problem with you. Sic 'Em.
Faces of Faith
So I went home for Christmas Break. 2 weeks of bliss and laziness.
Yeah my sister was there, and she gave me high blood pressure.
And yes, I wanted to strangle her and hide her body in the Chesapeake Bay.
But that didn't happen.
Yet.
What did happen though was something truly amazing in my opinion.
I went to my home church for Sunday Mass, said hi to Father Bill yadda yadda. I was about to enter the Chapel when I saw Ms. Michelle.
Now Ms. Michelle, when I left for Baylor summer school, was fat. Like, Molly Weasely fat. Red hair, white skin, the works. She even had really bad crooked teeth that were out of character for the Harry Potter woman, but thats beside the point. Whta is the main point is that when I came home for the winter break, she had literally lost like 100 pounds.
It was like seeing the female version of Subway Jared or something. I was thrown for a complete loop! She looked totally different and in a good way too! She still had the crooked teeth, but it wasn't what I was shocked about. The apparel she use to wear were large dresses that would hang off her rather large hips. Now she was wearing tight jeans that accented her figure. Before she wore large blouses that gave a sense of cover for her bosom. Now she wore a type of spandex thingy that really showed off her chest and lack of adipose tissue.
I'm not hating on Ms. Michelle, in case some of you are wondering.
But I'm just saying that despite the radical physical changes this woman went through, she still had the same bubbly and positive attitude and strong sense of religious conviction. Ms. Michelle has always been someone that has inspired me with her faith; she leads the church's RCIA team, always has something kind to say, and displays her beliefs not by words, but by action. She is truly a woman of God.
So maybe when I go back home for the summer, she'll have straight teeth and some serious blingbling.
Yeah my sister was there, and she gave me high blood pressure.
And yes, I wanted to strangle her and hide her body in the Chesapeake Bay.
But that didn't happen.
Yet.
What did happen though was something truly amazing in my opinion.
I went to my home church for Sunday Mass, said hi to Father Bill yadda yadda. I was about to enter the Chapel when I saw Ms. Michelle.
Now Ms. Michelle, when I left for Baylor summer school, was fat. Like, Molly Weasely fat. Red hair, white skin, the works. She even had really bad crooked teeth that were out of character for the Harry Potter woman, but thats beside the point. Whta is the main point is that when I came home for the winter break, she had literally lost like 100 pounds.
It was like seeing the female version of Subway Jared or something. I was thrown for a complete loop! She looked totally different and in a good way too! She still had the crooked teeth, but it wasn't what I was shocked about. The apparel she use to wear were large dresses that would hang off her rather large hips. Now she was wearing tight jeans that accented her figure. Before she wore large blouses that gave a sense of cover for her bosom. Now she wore a type of spandex thingy that really showed off her chest and lack of adipose tissue.
I'm not hating on Ms. Michelle, in case some of you are wondering.
But I'm just saying that despite the radical physical changes this woman went through, she still had the same bubbly and positive attitude and strong sense of religious conviction. Ms. Michelle has always been someone that has inspired me with her faith; she leads the church's RCIA team, always has something kind to say, and displays her beliefs not by words, but by action. She is truly a woman of God.
So maybe when I go back home for the summer, she'll have straight teeth and some serious blingbling.
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